Crash Diet
by YOSHIKIRB
Summary: When Kirby accidentally inhales the entire cast of SSBB, he experiences strange personality changes that he can't recall later. WARNING: contains randomness, hilarity, breaking of the fourth wall, references to other games and shows, and MEGA-EATING!
1. Kinda the starting point

**Crash Diet**

Disclaimer: This goes for the entire fanfic, I don't own SSBB, its characters, Nintendo and its affiliates, or anything else like that mentioned or referenced in this story** AT ALL **except the idea and the story itself, so don't go off and sue me.**  
**

**Ch. 1**

It was a boring Wednesday at the Smash Mansion. Wednesday was the day that there was no brawling. Ever since Tabuu was defeated and no one had to do anything more in the Subspace Emissary, everyone was brawling much more often. As such, Master hand ordered the alloys to clean the stages every Wednesday, which prevented brawls.

Kirby, being bored and hungry, decided to take a walk. Being Kirby, that walk led him, of course, into the kitchen, and next to the refrigerator, and in front of the recently opened refrigerator.

"Oh NO," he said, "where's the 5-foot salami I put in here?! *Burp* Oh yeah. I remember now. It's okay everyone, false alarm!" Lucas and Ike were the only other smashers in the room, and both gave Kirby a thumbs-up and backed away slowly. Lucas ran away.

Kirby started looking through the fridge. "Now let's see if I can't find…" Kirby gasped "Oh my, we're out of brand-named chocolate-sprinkled-crème-filled-mini-frozen-honey-cakes. Oh-nonononononononooooo **WE'RE OUT OF BRAND-NAMED CHOCOLATE-SPRINKLED-CRÈME-FILLED-MINI-FROZEN-HONEY-CAKES**!!!" Kirby started whimpering, then crying, then wailing, and finally, inhaling. I don't know why.

Ike and Lucas were the first to be sucked in, closely followed by Pikachu, Yoshi, Nana, Bowser, Zelda, Fox, some Pokeballs, the Pokemon Trainer, who was chasing the Pokeballs, every other character, Master and Crazy Hands and several alloys, and strangely, one of the game designers. Then, everything stopped, and Kirby passed out. Bad luck.

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	2. The part after the starting point

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 2**

Kirby soon awoke at the smashpital (smash hospital). "Where am I?" he asked weakly.

"Why, you're at the smashpital," said an oddly familiar voice.

"Dr. Mario? Is that you? What are you doing here? And what am I doing here? I must have fainted."

"Oh, indeed you did. Well, after I was rejected to Brawl, I had to get a job. And I thought 'Hey, I'm a doctor, maybe I could work as a doctor.' So that's what I did. Oh yeah, some friends of yours would like to see you. Should I let them in?"

"Of course!" Kirby exclaimed. "They might bring me food!"

"Whatever." Dr. Mario mumbled "OK, come on in!" He shouted as Pikachu, Yoshi, Squirtle, Pit, and all the other colored Kirbies ran in.

"HIII guys! What happened, I've got such a headache. Just spit it out."

Squirtle tried to explain "Squirtle squirtle squirt squirtle squirtle, squirtle squirtle squirtle, squirtle. Squirt squirt squirtle." Squirtle failed to explain.

"Ummm," Pikachu said, "What he means is that you got upset because your favorite snack was gone, inhaled every playable character-"

"Don't forget the nonplayable characters!" Yoshi interrupted, smiling.

Pikachu continued "And several nonplayable characters-"

"Don't forget the items!" Yoshi interrupted again.

Pikachu continued "And some items-"

"Don't forget to pay me $5!" Yoshi interrupted AGAIN

Pikachu continued "And I'm going to pay Yoshi $5… FOR HIS MEDICAL BILL!!! Come here you little dinosaur! OH did you just throw an egg at me?! I'm gonna zap you SO hard…"

Dr. Mario began to walk away. "Where are you going, Doc?" Pit asked.

"Let's just say I have a feeling that we'll need two open rooms soon."

"For Pete's sake Kirby," said the other Kirbies "you got upset, you inhaled the entire smash mansion, so we came to give you a get well soon present! Sheesh!"

"A present? Yay!" Kirby said eagerly. "What is it? Come on! Tell me tell me tell me! 'Cause if you don't tell me, I'll conk you upside the head with my hammer." he said flatly.

"Here you go," said Pit, while handing Kirby a large package, which he ate immediately (Kirby ate it, not Pit)

"Awwww, a 20-foot sausage? Thanks guys." Kirby said

"You're welcome!" Yoshi said, still brawling with Pikachu "And NO thank you to Pikachu for that jolt! Try it again, see what happens! OW! Why I ought to…"

"Pssst. While they're killing each other," Pit whispered to Kirby "let's go play some teams."

"Hey, I happen to be in the hospital, so who are you to talk using words? No, I want to watch, it's funny!"

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Kirby and co. eventually got back to the smash mansion, and everything was normal, well, as normal as one could expect for characters of a fighting game. Kirby picked up his copy of SSB Today and sat down to wait for dinner.

"Ugh, I'm so hungry that I could eat a gooey bomb. What's dinner today? I hope it's food."

"You don't eat, you inhale. And I mean that both literally and figuratively." said Wario, who was also waiting at the table, "I also heard it was taco night."

"Ewww. I would say that tacos upset my stomach, but my stomach is an endless void. Well shoot," King Dedede replied. "I was hoping for breakfast for dinner. I'm having bacon withdrawal."

"You pigs." said Zero Suit Samus, who happened to be walking by "Dedede, you're always having 'withdrawal' I'm just having a fruit salad for dinner."

"Why?" said Kirby, imitating Wario. "Need to watch your weight?"

"That's it!" said ZSS as she pulled out her paralyzer "Come here Fatso, and run that by me again!"

"OH GOSH!!!" Wario yelled, and ran away, continuously getting paralyzed.

"Hmmm…" Kirby said curiously. "Why does Wario's pain not entertain me?"

"Probably because you do this every Thursday - Ooooooohhhh," Dedede said as Wario got hit with Samus's plasma whip. "Except that, that's new, and it looked really painful."

"Oh, Thursday. Steak and doughnut night, that's nice. Well I'm gonna go meditate and read my paper."

"Since when do you meditate?" asked Jigglypuff as she was walking by.

"HIII Jiggs, what's up?" Kirby said kindly

"Oh, you know, walkin' around the mansion, goin' to my room to have some tea and crumpets with Zelda, asking why you were going to meditate, stuff like that."

"Meditate?" Kirby asked confusedly, "I don't meditate, I was just going to read the paper."

"But you said 'Well I'm gonna go meditate and read my paper,' I remember it like it was ten seconds ago," Dedede said.

"Hmmm, I don't recall. Maybe you misheard. Oh well. Tell me when supper's on the table, Dedede. And don't eat my share of the food. If you're hungry, eat a waddle-dee or something."

"But it makes me feel like a criminal when I do that!" the king cried. "Especially after what happened to my friend with the bandanna."

"A criminal you say?" a voice said "Then I, Link, the hero of time, shall bring that criminal to justice!" Link jumped up on the table and struck a heroic, yet idiotic, pose.

"Link," said Kirby flatly "you're an idiot. Go away."

"Awwwww." He sulked away

"Maybe I misheard…" Jigglypuff said suspiciously, "Or maybe I didn't! Either way, I've got my eye on you buster!"

"My name's not Buster, and that's really creepy..." Kirby stated "Especially since your eyes are HUGE! They're like, bigger then cantaloupes! And with both of them, anyone who looks at you goes 'WHOA!!!' because of your eyes, you know. They're like, as big as… Well, something that's really big! I mean, what are the odds –"

"I get it." Jigglypuff said firmly "You just watch yourself, bub." He eyed Kirby suspiciously, then jumped back, almost in surprise.

"Hey," Kirby said confidently, "who wouldn't want to watch me? But my name's not bub." And with that, Kirby marched proudly to his room.

Jigglypuff was left staring at Kirby's former place, pondering.

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	3. The Kirby cave

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 3**

When Kirby got back to his room, the green, blue, and red Kirbies were having a StarFox battle, which is when each Kirby had inhaled a different StarFox character, and the Falco-Kirby and Fox-Kirby teamed up against Wolf-Kirby.

"HIII guys. StarFox again?"

"Yep." said Falco-Kirby while performing a laser-lock on Wolf-Kirby. "Later we're going to, hee-hee-hee, fight for the land of Hyrule." he giggled.

"Oh, that sounds like fun... especially since I must DESTOY HYRULE! I have promised, that as sure as the Triforce of power rests in my hand, that I will kill Link and Zelda, all their annoying reincarnations, those bosses that Nintendo replaced me as the antagonist of several games, and Tingle, just because he's an annoying idiot that charges really steep prices; gain the entire Triforce, exterminate the sages with the very blade the tried to execute me with, plunge the world into darkness, (blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, rant rant rant) then I, Ganondorf Dragmire, will be king of Hyrule!"

There was a long silence as the StarFox fight came to a halt, and Wolf-Kirby quickly turned off the _Squeak Battle_ music that had been playing the whole time. Then, green Kirby spoke.

"Okay then, you can be the Ganondork later. Hee-hee, get it instead of Ganon_dorf_, I said Ganon_dork_, which is making fun of Ganon because it's a pun... Ah, never mind. That joke has been used too much. Anyway, just ask to be Ganon next time instead of repeating word for word the speech that he tells us all every six and-a-half hours."

"Wha...?" Kirby asked, "I don't wanna be Ganondorf, I wanna be Toon Link."

"Then what was that speech about 'destroying Hyrule, killing Link and Zelda, and Tingle being an annoying idiot?" said Keeby, who was just walking into the room

"HIII Keeby." said Kirby. "Whatcha been up to?"

"Oh, this and that." Keeby sighed. "Marth, Mr. Game & Watch, and Sonic wouldn't let me brawl with them, so after I picked up my hats from the dry-cleaner's and read my issue of _Smasher's Digest_, I've been playing _Kirby Air Ride_ with Pit, and chasing a butterfly I saw. I completely OWNED Pit with my Shadow Star, but back to the question, what was that speech for if you don't want to be Ganondorf?"

"Listen guys," Kirby said calmly, "I didn't make a speech. This is the second time today that I've been accused of saying something I didn't... Ohhhhh, I get it. This is a prank you all are playing on me after I ate all the toaster-waffles, isn't it? Yeah, I bet Monochrome-me is spreading the word to the other smashers right now."

"You ate all the toaster waffles?" blue Kirby asked.

"No," Kirby snapped defensively. "I didn't eat the cheese and crackers, what would make you think that?" he chuckled nervously.

"We didn't say anything about the cheese and crackers, we said toaster waffles." Keeby stated

Kirby cringed. "Yeah, that too." he mumbled.

"Uh, okay." red Kirby said. "_I_ believe you."

"Really?" Kirby said, puzzled. "That's all it took? You're not suspicious that I might have eaten all the toaster waffles or cheese and crackers or use the plasma hat to charge my DS?"

"You used the plasma hat to charge your DS?" green Kirby asked.

"No!" he said quickly.

"Okaaaaaayyyy, well that's that." Keeby said slowly. "But, this still isn't a prank, and monochrome Kirby isn't 'spreading the word, he inhaled Zelda and should be getting free tea and crumpets from Jigglypuff for all of us right now. Kirby, you said that that was the second time today this has happened, maybe you should see a doctor. I hear that Dr. Mario-"

"No!" Kirby cried "There. Is. Nothing. Wrong with me! I'm not insane, I don't need a doctor, and for the love of fluffy muffins, I WILL NOT go back to the Smashpital! They don't let you play video games, and they only serve three meals a day, for Nayru's sake! I just came here to relax and read the paper until dinner! *sigh* Okay Kirby, calm down, they didn't do anything wrong. Could you guys please tell me when dinner's ready?"

"Sorry Kirby, no can do." said green Kirby "See, we all made reservations to Brawlive Garden, but they said they would never ever ever ever EVER let you back in after that thing you did with all the stuffed shells. Sorry. But we can ask Luigi to tell you when supper's on the table."

"But I don't like the Mario Bros. Got any other ideas?"

"Well," Keeby replied, "You could miss dinner and-"

"Never mind, do… whatever." Kirby said.

"Okay, bye!" said blue Kirby as they left.

"Phew, glad that's done." Kirby muttered to himself. "Now, what's in the news" he said as he sat down with the paper. "Wait, I'm thirsty. Can't read with a dry throat." He hopped out of the chair, took the water hat out of the "Anime" drawer, and proceeded to drink it as he lied down on his star-shaped bed.

"Now then… Oh, here's an article about Pichu's new book, _Rejected, Life of a Cute Brawl Reject._ 'After being shunned by friends and family, Pichu has managed to write an autobiography, even with such stubby little paws, on the subject and how he has adapted to cope with it. Pichu now runs a bakery in Delfino Plaza and frequently visits his older brother Pikachu, who works at the smash agency, located in Delfino Plaza. "Even though I was rejected," he says, "I'm okay, because I know that fighting isn't everything, even though it's really fun. Plus, it gave me time to live my dream of managing a bakery! I'm sure that Sakurai is planning to bring me back in SSB 4. Now I'm going to keep talking while Kirby says nonsensical things and eventually falls asleep. I was born in a Pokémon Center 7 years ago. Oh, how I wanted a Ponyta! Then I tasted poffin…' *yawn* Pichu… brawl… dolphin… cupcake schmirtle-florp…… *Snore*"

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	4. That one green Italian guy

**Crash Diet**

**Ch.4**

"AAGGGHHH! A Boo! It-a must've eaten-a Kirby! Don't-a worry Kirby, I'll-a save-a you with-a my super vacuum-a!" cried Luigi as he flipped a switch on the Poltergust 3000 and sucked up Kirby.

"Luigi?" asked Kirby calmly from inside the vacuum, "I believe you just sucked me up into a vacuum. Please tell me, WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT!"

"Oh, Kirby, that was you. I thought you were a boo."

"Luigi, just because something is round and floaty doesn't make it a ghost, it makes it ROUND AND FLOATY! Why are you even in my room interrupting my sleep in the first place?"

"Well, Peach told me that Dedede told her that R.O.B. told him that Capt. Falcon told him that Zelda told him that Pikachu told her that Samus told him that Link told her that the Kirbies told him that I'm supposed to tell you when supper's ready."

"Told him told her told… Ohhhh, okay, I get it. So, _is_ supper ready?"

"Yes."

"That's great! There's just one problem. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT WHEN I'M STUCK IN THIS VACUUM?!"

That's when Kirby figured out how to get out.

"Hey," he said, "I just figured out how to get out!"

I just said that! Stop copying me!

"Sorry." Then, Kirby started to inhale, and ate the Poltergust 3000 inside out.

"My-a vacuum!"

"Okay, well, I'm going to dinner. I could care less whether or not you follow me or not. Do you want to? Pleasesayno pleasesayno pleasesayno.

"My-a vacuum!"

"Hmm, I guess not. Bye Luigi." Kirby said walking away.

"No, wait," Luigi yelled after him "I'll-a come-a with-a you and-a tell-a you how I-a saved-a the Waffle Kingdom"

**TIME PASSES…**

"And-a that's-a how I-a rescued-a Princess Éclair and-a smote-a the evil-a Minister Crepe-a with the power of the-a marvelous-a compass!"

"What? Oh, yeah with the princess and the compass and the grilled cheese." Kirby said sarcastically

"It-a was exciting."

Suddenly Kirby slapped Luigi! "Luigi!" he said with an Italian accent, "Stop-a being a nin-a-compoop and-a trying to-a sound important in-a front of-a me. Now be-a quiet-a so we can-a go eat-a. I-a don't-a want-a them-a to run-a out of the free-a hams-a before-a we get-a there!"

"What is-a wrong-a with you Kirby? You-a sound exactly like-a my brother!"

"What is-a wrong-a with _you?_ Can-a you not-a recognize-a your own-a brother when-a you see-a him?"

"Your-a not-a my brother Mario, you're-a Kirby, Kirby."

"Well duh," he said in his normal voice, "what was your fist clue?"

"But-a you, and-a you said, you were-a talking-a like, but-a now… I'm-a con-a-fused! I'm-a going-a back-a to my room-a! WAAHHHH!" Luigi yelled and ran back crying to his room-a. Oh, darn-a, all this Italian talk is confusing! I'm-a going-a back-a to my room-a, too! WAAHHHH!

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	5. Food! And some other stuff

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 5**

Hello, since the old narrator ran off, I'm the new, much more handsome narrator for the rest of this story. Unless I get bored and decide to do something else, of course. Now where were we… Ah, yes, dinner.

"Hi Kirby!" chirped Yoshi, "Sit next to me today!"

"Okay." Kirby replied. He sat down only to realize: "Yoshi, we're sitting across from Jigglypuff!"

"Yeah, you're still friends, right?"

"Well…" at this point Kirby stares out into space and has several flashbacks about things that are better left untold "…we're kind of on the edge."

"Really? Why?"

"Mostly the thing where she, Samus, Sheik, Toon Link, Pikachu and I drank 5 bottles of _Smash Cola__** EXTREME**_ and played a no rules, all out, world domination, loser loses their room to the winner, Truth or Dare-off. She lost. Pikachu won."

"Smash cola 'extreme?'"

"Yeah, it's like regular smash cola, but with more sugar, more carbonation, more caffeine, and more ginseng. But that's not all, she's got her _eye_ on me." DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN "New narrator, narrate the story and nothing else! Lest-" Yeah, I know the rules.

"Settle down," Master hand said to calm everyone "Before we eat, Toon Link has bribed, I mean, asked me to tell you to be on the lookout for his 20-foot sausage. If you find it, please return it to him for no reward. Keep it away from Kirby at all costs." Kirby and Yoshi exchanged nervous glances. "Besides that, dig in!"

**TIME PASSES…**

**MORE TIME PASSES…** (Smashers eat a lot)

Ham, fruit, and doughnuts were the only things left and everyone except Peach and Samus (who were both very health conscious, and Zelda was currently Shiek) were _still eating._ Everything was fine until Snake tried to take food from Falco.

"Hey, you can't take food from me, ah'm from Brooklyn!"

"Hey!" said Lucas who noticed that there was an apple and a slice of ham missing from his plate, "He took food from me too! I'm a growing boy, I need to eat!" PSI energy began glowing on his fingers.

"Oooooo a fight!" Pikachu said innocently "I wanna play, I wanna play!"

"We can _all _play!" Wolf said schemingly

"Actually you can't…" started Master hand, but it was too late.

Everyone was fighting except Snake who was hiding in his box. Lasers were being fired, weapons were being swung, explosions were exploding, fun for everyone! Then… it happened. Captain Falcon stepped on a doughnut on Kirby's plate. If you have ever met Kirby, then you know that you NEVER mess with his vittles.

Kirby froze. He began walking towards Captain Falcon. Ragnell appeared in his hands, which was upsetting to Ike, who lost a skirmish because of losing his sword. "You stepped on my doughnut." He raised Ragnell above his head and pointed it at the ground "You'll get no sympathy from me! HUHAARGH!" He plunged the sword into the ground and a column of fire shot from the earth that scorched the captain and blasted him through the wall into Samus's room.

Samus, who has always had a very short temper, saw that the captain had gone into her room and-

_QUIZ TIME!!_

Did Samus:

Order a muffin from Pichu's bakery?

Thank Captain Falcon for clearing a space for a new bedside fish tank?

Run into her room and blast Captain Falcon to Paris using her plasma whip?

Yes.

If you picked C, you win! If you picked anything else *ahem* **LOSER!!**

"Hey!" yelled Master hand, "No blasting people to European countries!"

"Uh, Snake did it!" someone called out.

"Snake!" cried Master hand.

"Pay no attention to the man beneath the box." Snake called.

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Everyone except Kirby, Snake, and Master hand had left. Kirby was finishing off a dinner roll and two bananas and Master hand was lecturing Snake.

"And that's why the chicken _thought_ about crossing the road in the first place! So I'm putting you on mega window cleaning as your punishment."

Snake woke up. "Huh? Oh, windows, sure, whatever. Can I go now?"

Kirby finished the last of his roll and started to walk back to his room when Mario stopped him and pulled Kirby into his (Mario's) room.

"Hey! Let me go, you annoying Italian idiot!" Kirby screeched.

"Kirby, shh," Mario whispered, "I'm-a trying to help-a you.

"I don't need your help, now let me go, or do I need to hurt you?"

"You don't-a need to hurt-a me."

"I'll give you $5 if you let me go."

"No-a you won't-a."

"Darn."

"I was-a just-a thinking, you've-a been acting a bit-a strange lately, so-a maybe you-a should-a see-a Lucario, he's-a into psychology, and-a the aura thing-a relieves-a stress or-a something."

"I don't need to have stress relieved, I didn't do anything! Aren't you technically kidnapping me?"

"Yes-a."

"Aren't you worried about being caught?"

"Yes-a."

"THEN WHY THE HECK DID YOU KIDNAP ME!!!"

"Hmm, I don't-a know."

Kirby paused for a moment, then yelled in a higher pitched voice, "Help! Link! I'm being kidnapped!"

Suddenly Link ran in. "Fear not fair princess Zelda, the hero of time has arrived to-hey, I thought I heard Zelda in here!"

"Link, can you not see?" whimpered Kirby, his eyes glistening, "I am Zelda!"

"You know," said Link, "I can't stand it when I'm tricked like this. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to balance my checkbook. And with that, I take my leave." So he did.

"Link! Return to save me! Please, captor, release me and I shall… do something beneficial. Anything! I give my word by the triforce on my hand!"

"Kirby-"

"I am not Kirby, I am Zelda, bearer of the triforce of wisdom!"

"Kirby-"

"So you still won't let me go," Kirby said in his normal voice, "I guess I do need to hurt you. _IT'S RUDE TO SAY THAT PEACH IS FAT JUST BECAUSE ROSALINA SAID SO!!_" Kirby said loudly.

"…**MARIOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" **cried a shrill voice from down the hall.

"Kirby! What-a have-a you done? You-a have unleashed an evil you-a know-a not of! I-a was just-a going to tell-a you that-a Lucario gives out-a free-a refreshments!"

"**Mario?! Did you call me F-A-T?! I think we need to chat about this!!!"** cried Peach as she dragged Mario to her room. Once in her room, Kirby could only hear Mario's screams.

"Mommy never said that." Said a group of Lumas as they came out from under Mario's bed."

"Lumas?" Kirby said surprised, "But you're not in this game."

"'But you're not in this game.' Doesn't anyone start a conversation with 'hi?' Anyway, there are plenty of characters not in this game here, for example, Pikachu rented Jigglypuff's old room to a group of Eevees.

"Who's in my room?"

"Chocobo."

"Well, that explains the job clothes in my closet. Lucario, hmmm…" Kirby walked away, unknowledgeable to the fact he was being watched.

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	6. Therapy, Kirby style

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 6**

**THE NEXT DAY…**

"…And when all the new villains started coming, I started to think: Hey, I'm not the only bad-guy! Hey, I'm not the only one who kidnaps princesses! Hey, I'm not the only one with an army! Hey, life's too short! If I keep obsessing over defeating an Italian plumber, I may never live my dream of playing cricket in New Zealand! Maybe if I calm down and stop making trouble, maybe Master hand will let me go! Thanks doc, that really helped."

"Um, okay. You're welcome, Bowser." Lucario said. "Now, first question…"

_Beep-beep! Beep-beep!_

"Oh, sorry Bowser. We're out of time for today. Good luck on that 9' tall eraser-shaving sculpture of yourself. _NEXT!_"

Kirby skipped in after Bowser left "HIII Lucario. How are you today?" he said cutely.

"My emotions are irrelevant during this session." Lucario said mystically. "You are here to discuss your strange mood swings, correct?"

"Yep, although I also heard that you give out free food."

"No, that was just a ruse to get you to come. However, because it is _you_, I will give you some lemonade and a bag of peanuts when you leave, as I feel that the results would be catastrophic if the promise of food was not fulfilled to you."

"Thanks."

"So, you have been experiencing some personality changes. Can you recall them?"

Ummm… I think the first one was right after I beat Link last month, I played charades with Fox and I imitated a pan of lasagna really well, then-"

"No, I mean the recent ones that you couldn't remember."

"_Oh_. Well… I think that the first time was when I guess I said I was going to meditate, that was 4:40 yesterday. Then I apparently gave that one speech that Ganondorf always gives, that was 5:15. I must've done something to Luigi because he suddenly started blabbering about something and ran off crying, although that's not saying much. Then the same thing happened to the narrator right after that. I'm not sure exactly when that was, but it was right before I came to supper. Then I acted like Ike… hee-hee, that rhymed."

"Stay focused."

"Sorry… anyway, I acted like Ike, and even used his B attack at 7:08. Then Mario kidnapped me, and I must have acted like Zelda, 'cause Link seemed pretty angry with me afterwards. Let's seeeeee… That was about an hour 'til curfew, so… about 8:55."

"That's strange, it seems as though your personality changes when you are in a position that the character you imitate might be in. When you were kidnapped, you acted as Zelda, as she often is kidnapped. The only instance that doesn't fit this pattern is Ike. Tell me what was happening right before."

"Um, I think that I was using final cutter and thinking about the superspicy curry that I ate… Oh, I see. Sword + fire = Roy! Wait, he was replaced, so I guess, sword + fire = Ike!"

"Precisely. And 4:40 and 5:15 are the times that I meditate and Ganon yaps about himself. As for Luigi, he always bugs Mario. Although, using one of Ike's attacks… bothers me. You're sure you hadn't inhaled him, right?"

"Corretamundo."

"Interesting. Hmmm, I believe I understand the nature of the shifts in your personality."

"Well that's good to know."

"It is fatal."

"Drat, there go _my_ plans for the weekend."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

…**RIGHT NOW!**

"Just kidding!" Lucario chuckled "It's not fatal! That would completely mess up the plot of the story."

"You're weeeiiird. And I thought you never laughed."

"Humor, so I've been told, is an adequate reliever of stress."

"I thought you used your aura for that."

"I used to, but neither my patients nor I like the idea of my aura probing their minds. Besides, _real_ men don't laugh, we chuckle. Okay, now that that's out of the way, I have decided on a test that will test if my theory is correct or not. _OK P.T, come on in!_"

"Why am I doing this?" asked the Pokémon Trainer as he walked in.

"I'll use my aura to keep Sonic from writing '_I'm too slow!_' on your running shoes."

"Deal. Uhhh, Charizard, use flamethrower!"

Kirby immediately roared and spit flames around the room, torching everything in the room except Lucario, who had put up an aura shield around himself, and the snacks that were promised to him.

"Ow." Said the Pokémon Trainer as he stood, clearly suffering from third-degree burns.

"Well," said Lucario, strangely calm, "in the interests of the Trainer's health, and the matter of extending the warranty of the interior design of this room, I suggest we continue tomorrow. Kirby, you may go."

"Can I have the free food?"

"Sure. Oh, by the way, I suggest staying away from people. If my calculations are correct, you can have… 6,5,4…3 more mood swings before the next change is permanent. And that would be bad. Really bad. Like, UBER bad times 3."

"Uhh, okay."

Will Kirby survive? (Probably) Will the Pokémon Trainer sue for his injuries? (Probably, but who cares. Anyone… anyone at all… no?) Will Kirby follow Lucario's directions? (What do you think? No) Will I ever stop asking rhetorical questions? (**NEVER!!!**)

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	7. Walking through some random hallway

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 7**

Sea sells seasells on the sheashore… She sells seashells on the-Oh, we're back. *Ahem* We now return to find Kirby… walking down the hall. Big whoop. Oh well, it's in the narrator's script so _something_ ought to happen.

"She sells seashells on the seashore. Got it! Oh yeah, avoid contact with other smashers… Hmm, I've got the refrigerator hat in my room… I could play some games or video games with Chocobo since he's not technically a smasher… In fact, I could easily just sleep until tomorrow. I suppose I have all I need in my room. I'll just stay there until tomorrow. Then I'll-"

"HELLO KIRBY. HOW ARE YOU?" asked R.O.B. as he came out of his office.

"HIII R.O.B. I'm fine, but I'm not supposed to talk to anyone, lest bad stuff'll happen.

"WHAT HARM COULD POSSIBLY COME FROM TALKING TO ME?"

"I dunno, but Lucario does, and he seems like a pretty smart dude."

"LUCARIO SPEAKS STRANGELY SO THAT OTHERS SEE HIM TO BE ALL MESTERIOUS AND SPECIAL. HE WAS PROBABLY TRYING TO SCARE YOU."

"Maybe, but I'm gonna stay on the safe side and-" Kirby stopped, then started to look angry. "R.O.B! I keep telling you, my power suit does _not_ make me a robot! Now stop following me around! Chat with someone, have a milkshake, play some pinball, or do _SOMETHING_, But _stop following me around_!"

"KIRBY, YOUR VOICE KEY IS REGISTERING AS _SAMUS ARAN._ ARE YOU WELL? I COULD DELIVER YOU SOME ASPRIN OR-"

"OKAY THAT'S IT! I warned you, you little mechanical whangdoodle! Now STOP MESSING AROUND WITH ME!" Kirby pulled out a small paralyzer and let loose at R.O.B with a partially charged shot.

R.O.B. began whirring and sputtering. "WARNING! WARNING! SYSTEM FAILURE! OVERLOAD! OVERLOAD! OW! ALL SYSTEMS WILL NOW SHUT DOWN! BYE-BYE." R.O.B. then spun a little more, then slumped over.

Yoshi, who saw this, ran over and held an egg over R.O.B. "Oh, hi Kirby. You're probably wondering what happened to the toilet in your room. Well, it's a funny story. See, I found these potatoes, and-"

"Yoshi!" Kirby yelled "You are the second person to call me- Yoshi, HIII! Umm… why are you holding an egg over R.O.B?"

"Well, last time there were a bunch of sparks came out and cooked the egg. And you know how I feel about eggs."

"Yes. You probably feel the same about eggs like I do about, well everything."

"Yep… Hey, should we do anything about R.O.B?"

"Nah, he'll reboot anytime between now and about, 36 days from now…" Kirby murmured

"That's good enough for me. Well, bye. Oh, and interoperate this any way you like, but I wouldn't use your toilet for a while if I were you."

Kirby hesitated for a second, and then shouted after Yoshi, "Hey, are you going back to your room?"

"No, I'm going to Albuquerque. Just kidding! Yeah, I'm going to my room. Why?"

"Bet I could beat you there!"

"No thanks. I'm tired and I don't feel like proving you wrong at the moment."

"Oh, come on. Step it up!"

"… Oh, I get it. You are doing one of your Sonic impressions. Let me try. Ahem… 'You're too sloooooow!'" Yoshi said in a mocking tone. "'Sonic's the name, _speeeeeeeeed's_ my game!'"

"Hey! Are you mocking me?"

"Ooo, a double mocking. Let me try that, too… umm I can't think of any way to mock Sonic anymore… so, I'm gonna go mock Link for a while. Mock mock mock mock mock."

"Just don't mock me or I'll spin in a circle really quick and hit you."

"But that would be rude. Bye." Then Yoshi left.

"Yeah! You'd better run! A-and don't come back! You know why? Because YOU'RE TOO SLOW!! Hmph, I showed him! Wait, who did I show? Where'd Yoshi go? Why should I not use my toilet?! Dumb personality changes." Kirby sat down and continued to mumble angrily until Mr. Game & Watch came to clean up R.O.B.

"Beep."

"HIII! I'm sorry, but I don't speek 'beep.'

"Beep."

"I suppose, but between eating, sleeping, and Kirbytime, I just can't."

"Beep."

"I don't think-" Kirby hesitated then said with a blank expression, "Beep."

"Beep?"

"Beep?"

"Beep."

"Beep!"

"Beep."

"Beep."

"Beep."

"Beep." Kirby then got out the chef pan and ate some 2-D bacon.

"Beep."

"Be- why does my breath smell like 2 dimensional pork?"

"Beep."

"What are you saying? I _still_ don't understand 'beep.'"

"Beep!"

"I don't understand a word you're saying. If you _are_ actually saying words, that is. It's kinda hard to tell."

"Beeeeeeep…"

"Yeah, I think you're right, pudding would help… soooooo… 'kay bye.

"Beep." Then Mr. Game & Watch walked away. "Well _that_ was a curious experience." he mumbled.

Kirby burped. "Oh, excuse m- eeeewwwww! 2-D bacon! The lowest quality bacon besides baconnaise!" (It _is_ real, look it up!) "When did I eat any recently enough to get an aftertaste on a burp? Oh why do you plague me, mood swings?!" he yelled into empty space. "Why am I yelling into empty space?" Don't ask me, I just move the plot along and make some random comments for the readers' convenience. Dumb narrator duty… "Well, that _was_ random. Oh, ohmygosh. For you readers that haven't been paying attention for whatever reason, I just experienced my 3rd personality shift since talking with Lucario! I just hope that a cliché plot device doesn't occur in the near future to take advan- mmmph!" he grunted as he was drugged and kidnapped… wow, that plot device _was_ cliché! Although… so am I…

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	8. Meet the kidnappers

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 8**

"Ungh! Lucario… Yoshi… bacon…plot device… AAAGGHHH!" Kirby awoke in a cold sweat. "Wh- where am I?" he whined.

"None of your business." a cold voice declared

"Okay, let's think about that for a second" Kirby asserted. "I was drugged, kidnapped, and I woke up here, so I think that, yeah, it is sorta my business."

"Touché. Well, I'm still not going to tell you because I'm mean. But, I will reveal to you who I am. I am the ever malevolent, always incredible, completely a-"

"Wolf! You left your eyepiece at the hair salon!" someone shouted.

Kirby's eyes widened "Wolf! It was you, and… the hair salon?"

"Um. It's… personal." There was an awkward silence. "… Well great job DK, you completely ruined the introductory speech. Well okay. So Kirby, now that you know who I am, let me show you around."

Kirby stayed rooted to the ground. "Come on, make yourself at home the invasion doesn't start till tomorrow. Join the party." Wolf said eagerly.

They walked along with Wolf explaining things. "So, right now, you're inside room 136."

"**But I thought it was a broom closet.**"

"Oh, it still is. See." he pointed at a small, out of place broom and dustpan in the corner of the room. "Of course, that's not what _we're_ usnig the room for. For us it is the _Evil Room of Evil Planning of Extremely Evil Stuff!_"

Kirby stood for a second "... You guys need to come up with a better name."

"Yeah, I know... we- we're not very good at naming things."

"I can tell."

"What?"

"I said, uh _William Tell_, yeah, I was thinking of that music."

"Oh, well le'me introduce you to everybody." They started walking, "Of course to start, the boss and I got Bowser, Ganondorf, Wario, your basics, the guys you would expect, then it got a bit more challenging, with anti-heroes, like Wario. After that, we gathered those that would take a bribe, those that had issues with our enemies, the chronically insane, and Subspace Emissary and multi man brawl guys that are limitless and programmed to be baddies. So now, our full roster is Bowser, Dark DK, Dark Pit, Luigi (he's mad at Mario), Ganondorf, Dark Meta Knight, Mewtwo, Cr-"

"Wait, Mewtwo?"

Mewtwo teleported over "I was merely hoping to destroy my so-called friends that did _not_ stand up to the designers for me and in that thought shunned me from my **rightful** place as the 25th spot, ON THE MENU! Now I want them to burn in the fires of my hatred! Oh flames of death burn unto them the wrath of the lord of fire… FLARE TORNADO!"

Nothing happened. "Umm, was that supposed to dooooo anything?" Kirby asked, not looking Mewtwo in the eye.

"Uh, yes and no." _Darn it, Genis told me that would work._

"Well, moving right along." Wolf said, still completely collected. "Continuing the discussion on our party we have Mewtwo, Crazy Hand, Dark Falco, Dark Fox, Dark Marth, Dark Link, Dark R.O.B, Dark Samus, Dark Toon Link, Dark Zelda- er Sheik… Zeldeik, virtually an army of cruel brawl alloys, the bosses of SSE, yours truly, my boss, and you.

"Me?! I'm sorry, but this is _insane. _I'm no world domination-alist."

"Not yet, maybe, but for now, relax enjoy the pool, the buffet, everything here, but soon, I'd like you to meet the boss."

"Gulp"

_Who_ is the boss? _What_ is Wolf talking about? _When _will Kirby stop getting kidnapped? _Where_ is the buffet? _Why_ did Kirby say 'gulp' out loud instead of actually gulping? _How_ the heck am I supposed to know this stuff? Well actually, I suppose the narrator should know things like this. Now I feel bad. I'm gonna watch a movie to repair my self-esteem…

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**MEANWHILE, IN A SEPARATE PART OF THE MANSION WITH GUYS THAT KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT WHAT TOOK PLACE IN THE LAST CHAPTER… OH MY GOSH WHY IS THIS BOLDED? THIS IS TAKING UP WAY TOO MUCH SPACE SO LET'S MOVE ON.**

"Lucarioooooooo!"

Lucarioooooooo used extremespeed to appear outside of his room. He looked around and finally spotted a yellow marshmallow at his feet. "What is it Keeby? Did Yoshi eat himself again?!"

Keeby nervously squatted and un-squatted, each time making a small squeaky noise. Every noise had the undeniable sound of uneasiness. "Yoshi? Oh, yeah he did. But that's not why I'm here! Kirby is missing!"

"How long?"

"Um, what time is it?"

Lucario closed his eyes. A small cloud of aura surrounded part of his head. "It's…" he suddenly looked very exasperated "3:00 in the morning."

"Then Kirby's been gone at least 7 hours, he wasn't here when we got back from Brawlive Garden at 8:00."

"8:00?! Didn't you go there the day before?"

"Yes, and after eating for 25 1/2 hours, we unpleasantly found out the soup, salad & breadsticks were_ not_ endless! grumble grumble grumble…"

"Well, usually this wouldn't this wouldn't concern me, Kirby can eat himself out of any situation. But in the current situation I'm not so sure."

"Have more faith. Kirby can eat himself anytime, anywhere!... That came out wrong."

"There's no time for that. This is serious. Are you sure he's missing?"

"Yeah! We checked everywhere! Well, everywhere except room 136."

"The broom closet? That's either a _huge_ plothole, or something completely insignificant."

"Probably nothing."

"Please, we can't rule out anything yet. If this is what I think it could be, the fate of the entire universe could rest in our hands! Well, actually neither of us have hands, so the fate of the entire universe could rest in our paws and/or stubs! The only problem is, what're we gonna do about it?"

"… I dunno…Wanna go get some pie?"

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**ALSO MEANWHILE… WELL ACTUALLY A BIT PAST MEANWHILE, BUT STILL THE SAME BASIC IDEA…**

Wolf walked into a cold, dark chamber, the air tainted with the evil scent of… LEMONS! "What is thy bidding, my master?"

A cold, deep voice answered him "What? No one talks like that! Just, speak normally"

"Oh. Sorry."

"That's not good enough. Now tell me… is it ready?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. Is _he_ ready?"

"Is he supposed to be?" Wolf inquired, his voice nervous and shaky.

"Hmm, I suppose he wouldn't be, considering we kidnapped him and refuse to reveal our plot. No matter, he is ours now. I will start to plan the assault."

"And me?"

"You have given me what I wanted. Now that I have a virtually unstoppable army, your potential value has been weakened. I currently care not of your social interactions, canine. Leave my presence and go do what suits you."

Wolf stood silent for a moment, then, dumbfounded, left the chamber where his commander, no, ex-commander, resided.

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	9. The evil box of evilness

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 9**

"What the _heck_ is that thing?" Kirby cried as Dark Donkey Kong and Ganondorf dragged him towards a strange-looking mechanical box. "Why are you dragging me? Is this because I ate all the cheese puffs and turned the pool water orange when I cannonballed in? I've already been punished for that! You know how stomach cramps feel when your stomach is the size of an entire universe? Not good! Which reminds me of the time Yoshi and I went fishing in a chlorine pool. You shou-"

"Pleeeeaaase shut your ever expanding mouth." Ganondorf pleaded. "Seriously…"

"Well, I don't like to brag about my mouth, but there was this time when Pikachu, Yoshi, and I went to the smash theme park and I walked out of the bathroom and I was like 'Oh my gosh, it's Willy Wireframe!' and then Yoshi and Pikachu were like 'You-"

"Okay, I'm serious. _Shut it._"

"Where are you even taking me? What does that thing do?" Kirby asked, gesturing towards the box.

"That?" Dark DK replied, "Well that's the soda fountain, silly."

"No not that, you imbecile, _that._" Ganon said, his voice brimming with bitterness.

"Oh… Huh, I dunno. Oh, but there's the boss, he'll prob'bly wanna see ya." Dark DK pointed to the left of the box, right at… Jigglypuff.

What? Did you expect Tabuu? Read the third sentence of the fanfic. Yeah, that guy's history.

"_JIGGLYPUFF?!!_" Kirby screamed. (Hey, you can't blame the guy for being surprised) "_WHAT THE FLORP IS GOING ON HERE?!_"

"Well," Jigglypuff uttered, in a voice far colder and more deep than you would expect from Jigglypuff. "If it isn't Hoshi no Kaabii."

"*Gasp* How _dare_ you use the name of my identical yet less handsome, illiterate clone against me! Who are you and what have you done with Jiggs?!"

"Your friend is gone, your other friends will be destroyed, and _you_ will be the one to destroy them!"

"What?! I like my friends! They're friendly!"

"Your redundancy cannot save you now." Jigglypuff said defiantly as he walked in the direction of the snack table. "See, your shifts in personality to that of another character, that is why you are here. You will be the ultimate weapon in my army, Kirby, the destroyer of stuff!"

"I won't!"

"Ah, but you will." Jigglypuff, who was now at the snack table absentmindedly picked up a corn chip, dipped it in salsa, and took a bite from it. "You see, the only one other than Mewtwo, who is an evil genius, that was able to understand your potential was Lucario, who failed to plunge deep enough into your subconscious to realize what I could be planning. Now you are here, and no one could possibly stand in my way now. The world, or at least the legal boundaries of this mansion, is mine, and you… are doomed." He re-dipped the chip into the salsa and took another bite.

Kirby's eyes widened. "You truly are evil. Not only are you going to wipe out the friends that accepted you, not only are you able to speak such a long monologue on such short notice, not only do you believe that means and methods are insignificant as long as you get what you want… YOU DOUBLE-DIP!"

"Evil?! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! I've waited so long for someone to actually notice! I rewrite reality and nobody thinks of me! Boys, toss him in." Dark Donkey Kong and Ganondorf flung Kirby into the strange box. As they closed the doorway into it, Kirby managed to make out Jigglypuff's joyless gaze, and his words, "I think you'll start to see things my way soon…"

Kirby was trapped. He was trapped in some kind of contraption, most likely evil, and of Jigglypuff's own designs. Jigglypuff… whom he once called a friend, whom he had helped & shared with, whom had comforted him in a time of need (which happened to be last Tuesday, but that's beside the point). He suddenly became filled with anger. His face turned red… er, his stubby arms were tightened into what would have been a fist, except, he didn't have, uh, fingers… Suddenly, a peach appeared from somewhere within the box. Kirby reached down to pick it up, but then all sorts of thing appeared. Several pieces of metal, scraps of clothes, tufts of fur, a few food items, feathers, then different kinds of fire, along with the items swirled around inside the box, around Kirby. Different energies struck Kirby, energies that would normally be painful, but somehow felt natural. All these things in and around Kirby, his head rang with distress. He had to get out somehow.

Outside of Kirby's box, Jigglypuff heard a rapping sound from outside the door. "Um, who is it?" He asked in a regular Jigglypuff tone.

"Lucario. Keeby and I are searching for Kirby. He's missing. Who is this? We'd like to look in this room. I believe it's the only one that hasn't already been searched."

In the moments that followed, Lucario became confused after hearing this: "Well, um, he isn't here. Uh, we're the, uh, sewing club. Marth, you stay out of this. We're just some ladies at- You are not allowed in without proper identification. R.O.B, shut up, you aren't helping. _We aren't kidnappers, it's not what you think!_ Somebody subdue Luigi! _Don't Come in here y-mmph!_ We can't let you in because… we're… in a secret meeting! Yeah, that's it we're here so we can exchange recipies for- WORLD DOMINATION! Shut it!" There was the sound of muffled shouts, some short punches, and several bombs.

"Soooo… let me get this straight," Keeby said, obviously confused. he spoke slowly making sure to get details right. "You are… a secretive, violent sewing club, with xenophobic, female members, that: like to cook, did not kidnap anyone, and are bent on world domination?"

"Uh, that depends…" replied Jigglypuff, still struggling to keep his voice high and jigglypuff-ish, "Would you believe it if we said yes?"

"I- er, I suppose… it's not like there's any confirmable reason for us not to trus-"

"THEN YES!"

Still suspicious, Lucario asked, "I sense Kirby's aura in there. If he isn't there, has he been lately?"

"N-no, nope nope. Haven't seen 'im."

"It seems more likely he's here now. His aura is… fluctuating. It's as though there's energy inside of him. It's… settling down now, but the energy level inside him… IT'S OVER 9,000!"

" Well, um, wow. That's even higher than 8,000."

"Yes, yes it is."

"Well, he's still not here, so you two go get some pie or something."

"We just did." Keeby chimed in. "Didn't you read the last chapter?"

"Well, I-"

"Sir!" said another voice from inside the room yelled "He's escaped!"

"What?! Falco, I thought that box was impenetrable!"

"_Obviously_, I was wrong. This is not the time for that! We have to keep him from-Yaaaaagghhhh!" He screeched as he was launched into the wall.

"RESTRAIN HIM!"

"Easy for you to say!"

Lucario looked concerned. "What? What is it? Can we help? Wh- Wait, who are you?" It dawned on him that whoever had answered the door had just changed his/her voice. "That's it, I'm coming in!"

"No! You- Hey what are you doing?" Jigglypuff said. "Stop!"

"Keeby, we're going in there. Help in any way you can." Lucario announced to the yellow puffball, who had his head to the ground and seemed to be trying to look underneath the door.

Keeby was squinting, but then he opened his eyes and took a pace away from the door. There seemed to be a blue-ish white light shining through the cracks around the door. "Um," he told Lucario, " I don't think that's a very good idea right now…"

"Keeby there's something going on inside there, and I need to see what and help whoever needs helping!"

The light stopped, but started flashing rapidly. Keeby gave a small yelp and ducked for cover in the nearest room. Lucario, who was in the process of charging an aura sphere, heard an explosion from the other side of the door.

"What the…" Lucario's voice trailed off, and he was hit with a massive ball of energy that broke through the door. "FLOOOOORRRRP!!!!!!" He landed on his back on a pile of rubble. "Ow." He looked up and he saw… Keeby. "Um, Keeby, could you move over a bit?"

"Wha- oh, sure."

_Now_ when he looked up he saw… Kirby, the destroyer of stuff!

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	10. Preparations

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 10**

"And you're sure that it was Kirby?" Master hand spoke. A meeting in the meeting hall was being held with all of the smashers that weren't evil and had enough dignity to want to help Kirby as opposed to sleeping in (which, by the way I don't get to do now that I'm filling in as narrator) about what could be done in the current situation.

"Well," said Keeby, annoyed after repeating his story several times already, "Judging by the fact that it looked like Kirby, smelled like Kirby, and the narrator _said_ it was Kirby, yeah, I'm pretty darn sure it was Kirby."

"Well, that's… uber bad times 3." said Master Hand, unknowingly confirming what Lucario had said.

"So what're we gonna do about it?" asked Toon Link.

"Not much we _can_ do" answered Master Hand. "You see, if my calculations are correct, we have exactly," He looked at himself as though he were wearing a watch, "6 hours, 47 minutes, and 29 3/8 seconds before the army, that was somehow built in a closet, attacks."

"Okay, that's clear," said Shiek as he stood from his seat "But are we going to stand and fight, or run around in circles in fear?"

"Um, I'm all for running around in circles." said Olimar as he trembled in his chair."

"See, that's my point!" said Shiek as he transformed into Zelda. "Do you all want to sit here like a bunch of Olimars?"

"**NO!**" Cried the entire group… including Olimar.

"Then when they come, will we stand our ground?!"

"**YES!**"

"wa , sorera wo hakai shiyo u ！ hoshi no kābyiwareware no yūjin desu ！(Let's destroy them! Kirby is our friend!)" Marth yelled energetically. Everyone stopped and stared at him. "nani ？ naze , subete no watashi wo mitsume te nani desu ka ？ watashi wa kirei da kedo , anata ni wa kono jiki de wa nai watashi ni uttori suru ！ wareware wa , kōgeki no junbi wo suru hitsuyō ga ari masu ！(What? Why are you all staring at me? I know I'm beautiful, but this is not the time for you to be admiring me! We need to prepare for the attack!)" Ike whispered something in Master Hand's ear… even though he's a hand and shouldn't technically have ears.

"Um, yes we _should _prepare," Master Hand said. "Let's start by separating into two groups…"

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**MEANWHILE…**

Everyone stared at Kirby, all of their mouths open wide enough that you could probably fit a basketball in each of them, to say the least. "Everyone! Stop staring at the weapon and get back to doing nothing in particular!" yelled Jigglypuff, even though his own voice had an edge of nervousness. Nobody moved. "Move it people and/or humanoid creatures! Move! Or so help me I will… do something that you all would most likely consider a threat to your wellbeing." still, no one moved. "Hey look, a distraction!"

"Oh yeah? What _kind_ of distraction?" asked Dark Link

"Free donuts and rolls from Pichu's Bakery in" he pointed vaguely to the other side of the room, "_that_ general direction."

There were murmurs of compliance throughout the room. "sorede ？(Well?)" asked Dark Marth "nani ga anata wo ma~tsu te iru ？ watashi tachi ofuni iku to unchin wo kyōyō shiyo u ！(what are you waiting for? let us go off and extort the fare!)" Shouts of enthusiasm came from all around, and they all charged off to the area that Jigglypuff had pointed to, even though there was no food to be found.

"Wait," Jigglypuff said to Dark R.O.B. as he moved past. "You need to fix this wall that Kirby destroyed. Get to it!" R.O.B. moved towards the newly created hole in the wall.

Jigglypuff grabbed Kirby and brought him into the chamber mentioned in chapter 8. When they got there, Jigglypuff took a long look at the new Kirby. He looked about the same. He was still the same pink puffball thingy, same big, red feet, same stubby arms, but he looked different. His eyes were wild like fire, and his expression looked bleak. "Kirby…" He couldn't think of one specific thing to say, so he just asked the first thing that came to mind "… You blasted a hole in my wall. Why did you blast a hole in my wall?"

"…"

"I'm sorry, that was a dumb question, it was probably that stain. It always did look terrible on that wall. I-"

"Why?" Kirby replied, his voice now a dark monotone.

"Why? Well, there was this freak accident while I was making a smoothie and Mewtwo-"

"No. Who are you to do you to this to him?"

"Why did who do what to him-who when?"

"Stop doing that. This may be a humor story, but right now I need you to answer me. Why did you do this?"

"Kirby, what are you talking about? That machine must have wiped out your strength. You should rest. You should get something to eat.-"

"I'm not tired…"

"But surely-"

"I'm not hungry." At that exact moment in time, 62% of the logical universe was immediately destroyed. Boom.

"Dgnijhnap… nzecndikdephib…foopathsuohnbwaaaaa?!!! But you're Kirby! You're always hungry! It's your trademark!"

"I _was _Kirby. You changed me. You took away what made Kirby Kirby. Why? Who are you to take away a life?"

"I'm the main villain in the plotline, and I did it for my own personal gain."

"More specifically."

"The."

" 'The' what?"

"That's the name you may call me by. Or you can continue call me Jigglypuff."

"Hmph, you're right. Fine. I'll do your dirty work and fight, just because brawling itself would be child's play to me now. I shall go prepare. Oh, and by the way, I'm holding you responsible for the mass destruction of a majority of the logical universe. See you in exactly 6 hours 41 minutes and 52 seconds. And have some answers ready."

"Fight first, then I'll give you answers… later." That's likely "Narrator, who asked you?!"

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)


	11. The battle

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 11**

**EXACTLY 6 HOURS 41 MINUTES AND 52 SECONDS LATER…**

"No, I said, ' Fight first, then I'll give you answers… later.' Not 'fight first, but then I'll go back in time and give you answers four minutes _before_ the fight! Now get. In. Position! Dang it! Do I have to do **everything**?!"

"…" Kirby stood in silence, keeping an unmoved outer appearance, but secretly burning up with frustration inside. He finally moved up to the front lines, where he had previously been placed. After it was a known fact that Master Hand was readying other smashers for battle, the hallway and nearby areas surrounding room 136 had been transformed into a virtual fortress, and all of the fighters had been positioned into military-like lines. "One day…" muttered Kirby, his voice shaky with anger One day I'm going to bake Jigglypuff a really good birthday cake, show it to him, and then eat it right in front of him. Yeah…" The calm before the storm occurred.

"THEYSA COMING!" someone eventually shouted. "YOU AREN'T A GUNGAN!" someone else shouted back at him.

But sure enough, theysa _were _coming. Master Hand and the other smashers were marching, or rather, going at their own pace and shouting whenever someone behind them stepped on their feet. They stopped. Nobody moved. Eventually, Toon Link shot off an arrow. "HOLD!" Link spoke across the lines to him. More silence.

"Well…" Jigglypuff mumbled to himself. "I _hoped_ this might be a little more dramatic. Oh well. CHARGE!!" Only Luigi ran forward but then looked back to see why no one else was. He saw Jigglypuff's expression. "Luigi! Get back in line! Okay… SIMON SAYS, CHAAAAARRRRGE!!" Everyone charged, but stopped when they saw Pit, Meta Knight, and Charizard flying overhead with gooey bombs stuck to them

"KAMIKAZE!" Pit shouted, accompanied by Charizard's roar and Meta Knight's "Why did I agree to this?" as they dive-bombed down into the main ranks of the army, the alloys. There were three simultaneous explosions, followed by Pit's dazed form coming out of the smoke with a feeble and wavering voice "We did it… ow."

"SIMON SAYS, CHAAAAARRRRGE!!" came Master Hand's voice, and all of the smashers on _his_ side ran-er used some method of transport, forward.

Pandemonium ensued. Everyone tried to fight, which, needless to say, was problematic in the closed space of a single hallway. Arrows, lasers, punches, swords, and all things of that nature were lashing out, almost blindly at each other. Crazy Hand was extremely violent and erratic, pounding the living snot and tomato juice out of anything near; allies enemies, inanimate objects, etc. Then Master Hand went straight for him. "Traitor! How dare you betray me! I was first in the series!"

"Crazy saw Master Hand coming for him and charged too. "MuFfIn! HoW dArE yOu SnOrF hOnEy PoTaToEs FrOm My UnDeRgArMeNtS!" Then the two became locked in an epic thumbwar.

Everyone that could tried to get close to Kirby to attack. They all experienced the meaning of the words "epic fail." Any aerial attacks were stopped by a Bullet Seed, attackers on the ground were treated to either a smash attack or a Warlock Punch, and any long-distance projectile snipers were hit with a Charge Shot or PK Flash. No one could approach unless they had a death wish (and even those with death wishes were hit) or else they would be grabbed, pummeled, and become the victims of a suplex, or be blasted with some sort of attack. Yoshi casually walked through the melee (Or rather, brawl… yeah I know it's a bad joke) and up to Kirby. "Hey Kirbs, what's with the battle? It looks like you're fighting _against_ everyone."

"Yeah, I am."

"Why?" Yoshi intrigued as he stuck out his leg and tripped a charging Dark Link.

"I'm not quite sure… it's fun though."

"Really? _I'll_ be the judge of_ that_." And Yoshi started fighting alongside Kirby.

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)

**MEANWHILE**

"This is pointless!" Keeby shouted as he kicked a surviving alloy out of his way.

"I concur!" yelled Lucario, who was in the midst of a double team. "We need to stop Kirby! Hopefully that will turn the tide in our favor!"

"That's hopeless!"

"Do you realize how pessimistic you sound right now?! There's always a sliver of hope that lies in the power of cliché!"

Keeby gasped, not only because he was punched in the stomach by Wario, whom was immediately shoved into Shiek's down smash, but also because he knew what Lucario meant. Mostly the punch, though. "You don't mean…?"

"You have a better idea?"

"Ah, what the heck, can't hurt."

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)

**MEANWHILE… AGAIN**

With a great view of the chaos going on sat Jigglypuff, all puffed and jiggly, like you would expect. "He-he-he. This is perfect! My side is winning, theirs is retreating, and my popcorn is finally out of the microwave! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!"

"Um, sir?" one of the alloys still standing said "Two of the enemy are setting up something in room 133."

"If it isn't a nuclear bomb, don't bother telling me. Oh wait, you just did! You disobeyed a direct order before I even gave it! You're fired!"

"But sir! I'm 4th in command! This job is all I have!"

The glare he got from the puffball- "That's _Mister_ puffball to you!" Fine. The glare he got Mr. puffball could have…could have… well, I can't come up with a very good comparison right now, but it could have done _something_.

The alloy sulked away "No sir, there was no nuclear power involved. *sob* Oh well, I hear Pichu's has a job opening. *sobsob*"

"Well that's settled. Now all I have to do is sit here and do absolutely nothing to help my army." All of a sudden, a dark figure dropped out of nowhere and stood before Jigglypuff. His (Jigglypuff's) eyes got wider than they already were, (which takes a lot of imagination to fabricate that image in your mind) and all he could say was "**:0**"

"Hello 'boss.' You told me to do what suits me, and this happens to be it." He grabbed Jigglypuff and leaped up through an open air duct leaving those around him only hearing an echoing "TRAITOR!"

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)

**MEANWHILE… AGAIN… AGAIN**

"Come on Keeby! Just a bit more!"

"EASIER SAID THAN DONE!" cried Keeby, who was currently a refrigerator spitting out food (Kirby 64) along with the other Kirbies "Where's everyone else who was helping before?!"

"Right outside. BRING IT IN!" Toon Link, Pit, and Squirtle pushed in wheelbarrows full of food, Maxim tomatoes, the occasional superspicy curry, etc. and dumped it all on the ground.

The Kirbies transformed back into their marshmallowey form and Keeby grabbed a small, white gold case from on top of a dresser. "I _was_ saving this for a special occasion, but this isn't exactly what kind of 'special' I had in mind. Oh well. But Lucario, this had better work, these things are premium, and cost me $400." Keeby opened the case and carefully scattered its contents throughout the large pile of victuals. "Hooray for cliche."

"You mean cliché?"

"Potato potato (po-tae-tow po-tah-tow)"

c('.'c)

"Wait," said green Kirby, "Before you type in the line of c('.'c)s, have any of you noticed that each section of these chapters seems to be getting progressively shorter with each chapter? I mean, compare the size of the section before the c('.'c) to, say, chapter 3. I mean, it doesn't even _have_ sections, it's just one big thing!"

There was a momentary silence, which monochrome Kirby (who had generously donated several crumpets and a pot of tea) broke. "You know what, you're right! But what does it mean?"

Lucario looked worried. "The writer must be getting desperate to finish the story. We need to finish this before-"

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)


	12. And lets battle some more

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 12**

Yoshi was rolling around in an egg, unknowingly ramming through many smashers. "Wheeeeeee!" He popped out "Tadah! Hey Kirby, when do we stop hitting everyone?"

"Whenever I hear from Jigglypuff. I know he won't dare to keep me in the dark about why this is happening."

"Sure he will! He'll keep having you do errands for him until you're just another henchman, and you won't attack because you want something from him."

"…"

"What? What happened to the old Kirby that would've said '_Them's some heavy words you been sayin' friend._' "

"Well, what would you have me do?"

"Um, say that."

"Th- hold on" he stopped to smack Diddy Kong away. "That."

"See, _that's_ Kirby."

"Hey guys. What's up?" asked a familiar voice.

"Keeby?" Yoshi said absentmindedly "I thought you were with Lucario making a-"

"Bet! A-uh bet on… which of us could find a puffy pink sphere first. And-um… you guys and I won! Come on guys, let's go celebrate!"

"Whatever." Kirby shrugged his nonexistent shoulders "My arms are getting tired anyway."

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)

**MEA- YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU IT'S MEANWHILE ALREADY! ****WHY**** DOES THIS DUMB SCRIPT KEEP HAVING ME SAY IT?!**

"Oh my _gosh_. How long is this going to go on for?!" yelled Master Hand, abandoning his thumbwar after realizing that Crazy was a cheater-pants.

"Sir!"

Master Hand turned. "Officer Fox McLean! I haven't seen you for a while."

"Well, this is the first noteworthy case I've had in a while. Hasn't been anything important since the kidnappings last summer. Can't believe Kirby left the agency. Anyhow, Wolf just dropped of a prisoner, imagine that, and I think you should see."

"Very well. Lead on."

They came to a small, circular room, which had previously served as a trophy room before a small string of thefts broke out and the trophies were sent to their owners. Master Hand stood, well, floated actually, in disbelief of the person before him. "Jigglypuff… Well, this makes things easier."

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)

"Aaaaaannnnnd SURPRISE!" Keeby cried as he led Kirby into the room that they had filled with food.

"What is this?" Kirby replied passively.

"It's a room," Yoshi said, deep in thought, "that's filled with… food."

"Well I can see _that_. But _why_ am I in said room filled with food? I'm not feeling that hungry." If the universe really is constantly expanding, and another 62% had replaced the part that was destroyed, it would get destroyed. Again. (Luckily, no one was harmed other than Samus Aran's distant cousin, Nicki Synthoemosollabolla, who had ventured too far into space.)

"Um, Yes you are." Toon Link insisted

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"_No_ I'm not."

"Well… are ya sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh…"

Keeby hastily waddled over "But look! We've put out rare, $400 brand-named chocolate-sprinkled-crème-filled-mini-frozen-honey-cakes!" He shouted, embellishing every word, but wincing on the $400 part.

At the end of Keeby's talking, Kirby glanced at the food pile focusing on a small cake. His mouth began to water. His eyes widened. His mouth opened. "EVERYBODY RUN FOR IT!" someone shouted, and smashers scrambled out of the room faster than you could say "_Antidisestablishmentarianism_" (The opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church… it's a word, look it up). Within seconds, the room was gone. Food, walls, furniture, all swallowed. Kirby even somehow even managed to eat himself.

Everyone waited. Nobody moved a muscle (even though there was really no reason not to). After a while Yoshi became restless and peered inside. He saw nothing… literally.

"Um, guys. You should come see this."

Pikachu ventured to what was once a door. "Holy milktank." he said in awe. "Th- there's… nothing! It's like a void!"

"Just like when he sucked everything in last time."

"I guess the actual food kept him from consuming the rest of the mansion."

Master Hand floated towards them. "Hey guys, we caught J-" his hypothetical eyes saw the nothingness in front of him. "… Seriously? The first thing I'm going to do when this is over is put a ban on _those_ snack cakes!"

"Fine," Yoshi said, looking worried, "but right now I'm getting Kirby. Keeby, Pikachu, come on." The three friends ran straight into the abyss, not knowing that they would never make it back… until later.

The other smashers and stuff that did not leave were left staring at a black vortex, and there was an awkward silence. "…Man, why don't I ever get to go on any adventures?" Lucas grumbled.

"Don't worry," said Master Hand, ruffling Lucas's hair, "if the author doesn't lose interest, you'll be the star of the Christmas special! (Which will not necessarily come the next Christmas after this story)"

c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c) c('.'c)


	13. Heeeeres KIRBY!

**Crash Diet**

**Ch. 13**

We find our heroes venturing through the time-space void that is Kirby's stomach. Now, read the words, and let me take a vacation. What? Whatdaya mean no? Darned author, grumble grumble grumble…

"Well, here we are, floating in the middle of nowhere… now what?" Yoshi asked.

"What?! You're the one that we thought had a plan! You dragged us in here!" Keeby shouted.

"Ummm… nope. I got nothin'. Wait, Pikachu, could you sniff Kirby out?"

"I respectfully refuse to lower myself to that level."

"Sooooo… what do we do now?" Keeby rolled his eyes.

"I'm hungry. Who wants eggs?"

"Yoshi, you're the head chef. If it weren't for Master Hand ordering some of the alloys to cook, we'd eat nothing _but_ eggs and egg-related products."

Yoshi layed an egg and ate it. "So," he said through a mouthful, "what's your point?"

"I've got it!" Keeby shouted suddenly, unintentionally causing Yoshi to choke on a bit of egg.

"Khunnnhhh! khkhkhkuuk!" Yoshi sputtered, and spat out the egg. "WHAT?! What could POSSIBLY be so important?!"

"I know how to save Kirby!"

"Oh, that's okay then." Yoshi said, much more calmly than one would expect. "How?"

"We will sit here and do nothing until the narrator gets bored and intervenes."

"But he can't, _remember_? When the narrators are selected they are sworn in to **only** move the plot along for the reader's convenience and do no more unless in dire need lest they be struck down by writer's power and immediately be sent away and have their retirement gift of little noodles mailed to them." Pikachu stated.

"Yeah, but if we do nothing, there will be a _dire need_ for them to _move the plot along_."

"Guys, stop breaking the forth wall." pleaded Yoshi. "Throughout the story it might as well've been to shreds and burned. Although that is a good plan, let's start it now."

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

"………………………………………………………….-" FINE! I give up! Kirby's straight to Pikachu's left. Just start doing something so I don't get fired! I don't wanna lose this job, it pays good, it has Pichu's catering, my therapist doesn't think I'm a loser anymore…

"Okay, enough with the sob-story, ONWARDS TO PIKACHU'S LEFT! Oh wait," Keeby said as he noticed Kirby right next to them. "Whoa, how did we miss that?"

"I don't know, we don't pay much attention to our surroundings as is." Yoshi replied.

"Hey guys. How did I get…" he looked at where he was, "here, and where exactly are we?"

"Oh, you ate yourself." Yoshi replied eagerly. "But we found you and we're all one big happy family-like group again!"

"I ate myself? Again? But I usually just wind up back in my room, not here."

"I can provide the answer to that." Pikachu responded "You see, Kirbies are born with a muscle inside their mouths that acts as a beacon and causes said Kirby to momentarily disperse into separate molecules whenever it vibrates enough to detect that its Kirby is about to eat his/her self, which are then collected at the largest and nearest collection of deoxyribonucleic acid matching the Kirby's molecular structure. However, the state of your mind finding subconscious emotions and thoughts confused your body and caused your independent molecules to be sucked in to an already forming vacuum your recollections were unintentionally causing you to create, thus rendering the nearest source of DNA to be yourself, was what was reasoned by your 'confused' beacon, which meant you wound up here, to put it simply. And for the record, I have no idea what I just said."

"… You hurt your what?" Kirby said with a blank expression.

"Yay! It really _is_ Kirby!" Yoshi cried gleefully.

"What's that supposed to mean? Last thing I remember is being shut in a box in Jigglypuff's _Evil Room of Evil Planning of Extremely Evil Stuff_. What happened?" Keeby filled him in on what had been going on while Pikachu and Yoshi played rock-paper- scissors, which Yoshi always won because he had fingers.

"Huh? Why was I so upset over who Jigglypuff was?"

"I dunno. Maybe that Kirby took things too seriously, you might have been angry; it was probably just used to drive the plot, though."

"Oh well. We should get out of here now. Lettuce leaf (let us leave)."

"How?"

"Well, if there's one thing I've learned from this, it's that theirs is no problem that cannot be solved with nonstop eating!" He tried to bite at the nothingness surrounding him.

"Um, Kirby," said Pikachu as he looked over and saw what Kirby was trying, "I don't think-"

"Hey, this is _my_ stomach, and _I_ decide what goes on! Ah! Here it is!" He pointed to a small red splotch.

"Wowwwwhat is it?"

"_This,_" Kirby gestured towards the splotch, "is the only known hot sauce in the universe, which by the way I'm sorry for destroying part of, that is too hot for moi. I just wish I didn't have to do this." He took a bite out of the place the hot sauce is hovering, and the void around it crumpled a bit. Everyone gasped. Kirby took several more bites, which was difficult, him not having teeth. On the 7 th bite the void tore open and the four tumbled out of a hole floating in midair.

"**HOT!!!!!!!**" Kirby screamed and ran to a nearby faucet, tore it out of the wall, and drank the water shooting out from where the fixture was.

"Well," said Yoshi, dusting himself off, "glad that's over. Too bad Kirby had to eat that sauce, I would have helped."

"NO!" Keeby shouted, "That stuff is too hot for _Kirby_. If anyone else tried to eat it, their tongue would fall out, they would spontaneously combust, and their ashes would somehow melt. I know, I was there when Kirby found it at Skyhigh's bi-annual galaxy-wide eating contest, someone else tried it first and," he shuttered, "well, it was _not_ pretty. Kirby still tried it though. I'm not sure why."

Kirby walked out of the women's restroom he was in, completely and thoroughly drenched. "Hi guys." Kirby said, gasping for breath. "That, *gasp* was a lot of water."

Pikachu looked at where the faucet was previously placed. "There's no water shooting out anymore. You drank all of the water in the mansion!"

"So?"

"_There_ you are." Master Hand floated up to them. "Pit saw a little hole some ways into Kirby's stomach, and Lucario and I have been searching for you ever since. The strangest thing is, the fountain in the lobby shut off almost right after that."

"But what are we going to do about the _army_ attacking?!" Keeby cried worriedly and pointed to the end of the hall where one could see Jigglypuff's army advancing.

"Maybe we should just ignore them." Yoshi suggested.

"Nah. It'd be much easier to just do this." Master Hand snapped his fingers. Lightning struck the army and everyone in it immediately fell over, unconscious.

"Why didn't you do that before?" Kirby asked, perplexed.

"It's much cooler fighting hand-to-hand, pun not intended."

"True. Well, I guess that wraps things up." Pikachu said, dusting his paws off

"Not so fast! I want to see ol' Jiggles being interrogated."

"Oh, uh okay."

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**I REFUSE TO SAY MEANWHILE… OH DARN IT!**

"Who are you and what's your name?!" Master Hand said as he slammed himself down in front of Jigglypuff.

"That seems kind of redundant to me."

"Answer the question or so help me I'll do something unpleasant to you!"

"Well, I'm afraid I can't. See, I've got places to go, stuff to do, people to conquer, and your interview and being arrested… *sigh* they just don't fit into my schedule. So, I'll tell you this," he raised his shield. "I like pasta, I think duct tape can fix anything…"

It dawned on Master Hand what Jigglypuff was trying to do. "Hey! Someone grab him!" But it was too late.

"… I'm mutual friends with Sephiroth." Fox ran in and tried to grab Jigglypuff, but he neatly sidestepped. "And I have no name, for I have many forms," his shield was now as small as a motion-sensor bomb "but you can call me…" his shield broke "THE!!!" he shouted as he flew up, through the ceiling, and landed in a helicopter high above the mansion. He mouthed the words, "See ya' later!" and the helicopter flew away to the northwest.

Nobody said anything. "…Oops." Master hand broke the silence. "That... wasn't supposed to happen."

"Oh well," Yoshi sighed, "At least he's out of our lives. Now I suppose that everything's been wrapped up."

Kirby patted Yoshi on the head. "Yes, Yoshi buddy, yes it has. Now to celebrate. Who wants cookies?! YAY!"

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	14. Epilogue: Kinda the ending point

**Crash Diet**

**Epilogue**

Several days after the events mentioned earlier, Kirby was, well really he wasn't doing anything. He was just talking to himself. "ABC, 123, walk walk walk, talk talk talk."

Yoshi ran up to him "Hi Kirby."

"HIII Yoshi." The two started walking down the hall.

"Remember that thing that happened? I'm sure you're still not feeling too well about it. So I just came to tell you to remember that old saying."

"The most dangerous cake is a wedding cake?"

"Exactly. Now, do you want to go raid the kitchens?"

"Yoshi, you're head chef. It's not the same around you. But sure. I'll meet you… sometime in the near future."

"Okay see ya' 'round." But before he could leave, Jigglypuff burst through a door in front of them.

"Freedom!" he shouted.

"Jiggly! What're you doing here? Come back for more?" Kirby said

"What are you talking about? I've been locked in there by some strange force of darkness since a little bit after I got out of your stomach in the first chapter."

Yoshi whispered to Kirby, "He must be the _real_ Jigglypuff… well see ya' round." He walked off.

"Okay." Kirby said to Jigglypuff "I believe you. But before you eat, update your facebook status, or do anything, go to Master Hand and tell him what you just told me."

"Okay." Jigglypuff ran away.

"Well that was odd."

Suddenly Captain Falcon bust through the wall! "Tu! Vous m'avez fait faire sauter à la France! J'ai été forcé d'apprendre leur langue et de manger des petits repas en portions! Mais pas plus! J'ai cherché ma vengeance sur vous, vous guimauve rose! (You! You caused me to be blasted to France! I was forced to learn their language and eat small portioned meals! But no more! I have sought my revenge on you, you pink marshmallow!)"

Kirby rolled his eyes, but then hesitated. He looked the French captain straight in the eye. "FALCON PAWNCH!"

c('.'c) THE END c('.'c)

…YAY


End file.
